Yeah....yeah...I know

Yeah, it's been a while since I have updated this thing. A lot has gone on since the last update. The Ravens went 9-7 and didn't make the playoffs. I visited California twice...most recently last week. The Orioles were good, then sucked, then got good to wrap up the first half of the season.

Why haven't I updated this thing in a while? I dunno...probably because I'm happier than I've been in my whole life? Sure there are still things to rant about, (WARNING: MUSHY SUGARY STUFF AHEAD)but I'm busy spending time with the most wonderful girl in the world. I love spending time with her more than anything in the world. If blogging doesn't lose out to that, you've got problems. (end of mushy stuff)

Sadly, she's on the other side of the country right now, and won't be back until the 19th, so I have a little free time. Sure my house is a disaster area, but I figured I'd update my blog a little bit.

So it turns out that hands-free cell phones don't make you ANY safer of a driver. But...but I thought that's why DC passed stupid laws that make you plug a ridiculous-looking headset into your ear every time you want to make a cell call! Click the link in the headline...it's true. That's the kind of stuff that angers me. Stupid government...no dessert for you.

Speaking of stupid government...it looks like Baltimore City wants to take out revenue bonds to spend thre hundred MILLION dollars on a new hotel adjacent to the convention center. One shallow problem I have with it is that it will TOTALLY kill the view from Camden Yards...which is part of what makes Oriole Park one of the most beautiful ballparks in the game. Beyond that...I guess it's good that housing values are going up in the city, because if that happens, I'm getting the hell out of dodge. As if there's nothing else that needs fixing in Baltimore, we need to spend millions of dollars on a hotel. Tell that to the students at a Baltimore City school that's on fire, or has had its fine arts programs cut. Tell that to the people who pay twice as much property taxes as the residents of Baltimore County. Tell that to the murder victims who would have lived if our prosecutors had any teeth in this city. Two words....BAD IDEA!!!

That's it for now...I won't make any promises as to when the next update will be...I have so many reasons to be mocked...no reason to give people additional ones. And to our special west-coast subscribers...love you beautiful :-D

Look at me...

No, no...look at me the way I'm looking at you. Why? Because I asked you to. Who the hell am I? I'm the one telling you the way it is...okay, a**hole? (one of the BEST MOVIES EVER)

I know, I know...I haven't updated this thing in quite a while...stupid date at the top of the page ratting me out. You know what? TOUGH! To be frank with the 2 or 3 people who actually read this thing, I've had better things to do. But, since you've been faithful readers of A.D.D. Central...Cameron Frye, this one's for you.

Since I've last updated this thing, a lot of things have happened. Bush won 4 more years...sorry to all of my liberal friends in mourning...but he won fair and square...again. Just remember when you want to spew your visceral hatred of people on the right, and call them stupid: Conservatives are people too...and have just as much right to use their vote as you do. You may disagree with them, but that doesn't make their opinion any less valid.

On to other things. Rodney Dangerfield died...sad. He was a big loss, one of the last great comics from the "catskill" school of comedy.

Personal stuff. I've now lost 70 pounds, and weigh less than I did at 16...go me, although I think I've put a couple of those pounds back on. That's ok...as the expression goes, I'm very fat and happy...and most of you should know why. If you don't then just ask, or IM stalk me or something. You know who you are. That's it...see you back here in another two months. I promise it won't be that long.

Everything I Need To Know About Life...

I learned from watching Pee-Wee's Big Adventure...

You can never use a long enough chain to lock up your bike.

Mr. Breakfast really loves Mr. T cereal.

There is a point where your lawn decorations take you beyond white trash, and you kick back to being a kid again.

You can make a really REALLY funny face with scotch tape.

X-Ray glasses don't really work...or do they?

No matter how many biker gang members want to kill you, a funny dance will save the day.

Never mess with a waitress at a greasy spoon diner who has a boyfriend named Andy.

You can trash an entire movie set, but rescue a few snakes and you're a hero.

If the cops are chasing you, deploy the smokescreen. *Warning, only works if cops are in golf carts!

And finally...no matter what the fortune teller tells you. There is absolutely, positively, without a doubt...NO BASEMENT AT THE ALAMO!

Here's What I Stand For...

This is the time of the year when we have to endure scores and scores of campaign commercials, debates, speeches, conventions, and whatnot. With that in mind, I would like to unveil my platform. Not a platform for an elected office of any kind, but a platform for the way I try to live my life. Sure I may stumble along the way, and don't we all, but the basic roadmap will still get you to where you want to go. So, without further delay, here's what I believe:

I believe when you bump into someone in a crowded bar, you should say excuse me. Unless you're a pickpocket, then just don't bump into me. At the same time, I also believe that when someone says excuse me into my ear in a crowded bar, they want to get by, and I should probably move. I try to do so whenever is humanly possible.

I believe that Jimmy Buffett is one of the greatest, if not the greatest living storyteller of our time.

I believe that Democrats are ok people, Republicans are ok people, but when they start to work together, start running. (Yeah, I stole that from Lewis Black, but it's still true)

I believe that there is ALWAYS a perfect movie or song quote...usually from the movie Tin Cup.

I believe that I will not touch the issues of the morality of abortion or gay marriage with a ten-foot poll...but there don't need to be laws against them. If you're setting your moral compass by what I'm telling you...you've got problems.

I believe that one good thing about music is that when it hits you, you feel no pain. (Thank you Bob Marley)

I believe that I don't care whether or not Greedo shot first...I'm still buying Star Wars on DVD when it comes out.

I believe that government does not create jobs (with a few exceptions); businesses create jobs. Government only creates a favorable environment for businesses to create jobs.

I believe that therapy is extremely expensive, popping bubble wrap is radically cheap. You choose which one helps with your problems, I'm gonna get some sleep. (Thank you Jimmy Buffett)

I believe that it only takes a negligable amount of extra effort to be nice to someone. It's usually worth it to put in the extra effort.

I hope that there will one day be a time when I can visit Havana, and have a mojito on a Cuban beach. Enough is enough, end the damn embargo already!

I'm Don Ayres, and I approve this message...

Personal update, I'm now down 50 pounds since May. Not anywhere near stopping either, and it feels pretty damn good. Check out the photos in the online photo album, and as always, leave me some comments to let me know how far my head is up my ass.

Man I'm a slacker...

I'd like to dedicate today's entry to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today. Cameron Frye, this one's for you.

I haven't updated this thing in a while. Been pretty busy with pre-convention planning. We're taking the show on the road to New York City for the Republican National Convention, which needless to say requires a lot of guest booking, and a lot of bit planning. I think you'll enjoy the shows that we're putting together, so be sure to tune in all next week between 9-noon on WBAL.COM.

Also, if some of you don't believe that I work at WBAL, here's proof.



Stupid tables, to see the picture in all of it's non-squished glory, click on this link.

Of course I could have photoshopped myself into that picture, but then again, I probably would have been lying to you about working somewhere a lot cooler like the White House or something. Oh well...I guess you'll all have to believe me. I promise I will update more frequently. Holla back in the comments section!

Allright smart-arses...I know that it's the same shirt that I'm wearing in the Terry Bradshaw picture (albeit a lot looser). I do own at least three other shirts, so I don't wear that same shirt to work every day. It's just darn comfortable, that's all.

Thank God I'm A Country Boy...

This weekend saw my first visit to historic Fenway Park, and it was everything I thought it would be...and more. I wish we could have that kind of atmosphere at Camden Yards, but I guess the Orioles would have to forgo winning the world series until 2055, which could happen anyway.

Everything reeked of baseball history. The smells of the grills out on Yawkey way, the accents of the program and "scorecaahd" vendors, the peanut and crackerjack guys throwing food over entire sections, and of course the green monster. Despite the modern times that we live in, this is truly a throwback to a simpler time. Sure, there is no leg room, and the wooden seats creak when you unfold them, but you have to think about all of the things that the park has been through.

Several things were shocking to me. We were allowed to walk all of the way down to the front row before the game to take pictures...if you attempted to do that at Camden Yards, the yellowjackets would be swarming on you. Organ music at a ballgame...the hell you say! The biggest shock came in the seventh inning stretch. Not that I was expecting to hear it, but going through a seventh inning stretch without hearing John Denver is like nails on a chalkboard. As wonderful as Fenway is...it's just not a ballgame without "Thank God I'm A Country Boy."

I've added a link to my online photo album over there on the right. You can see some of the pics from Fenway in the album for Lee and Erin's wedding. Oh well, the long weekend was fun, but tomorrow it's "back to the pile," as Bob says.

Not really much of an update...

But it's something cool...This is me with the current WWE Heavyweight Champion...Bradshaw...or JBL as they are calling him right now. He was a really cool guy, despite the jerk they have him playing on television.




Click here for the full-sized picture...stupid tables.